Hello Little Robot

"Data Log Entry:

  Day 14 of the 7th Month is the day in which I have made the most progress on my current project. Shannon's behavior has not improved in the slightest, but with this infant automaton I constructed using my old replacement parts, and Shannon's dental apparatus, I hypothesize that she will be thoroughly impressed with my work and be an efficient mom-unit. This is attempt number forty-eight. Simple functions have proven to be successful. This includes walking, running, vocalizing, and comprehension. It is definitely more efficient than a human infant, and has been constructed in a substantially shorter time period! That is, if this one proves to be a successful prototype... It has pained me to deconstruct and deactivate previous models, but they were not sufficient enough for Shannon... She deserves the best. 

  The only human that I have informed of my research and construction, is Socks-Unit. While he seemed to express more excitement than I initially did, he did remind me  to consolidate Shannon, obtain information from Dad and Mom-Unit as well as human parents. I told him that I had already discussed the matter with Shannon, but was not sure if Shannon took my words seriously or not. She knew that my proposition was an impossible one to fulfill. When I inquired Socks about the gender, since humans are usually assigned one, he recommended that I flip a coin due to  human gender being something of chance. I suppose, if my little robot is un satisfied with its gender, he or she could later decide what is best. Male, female, robot- I will be satisfied no matter the decision. After all, I was indecisive once. As for the other traits, well, he recommended a coin toss as well, similar to the biology project we conducted in Polyneaux High School. We were assigned a partner, and instructed to flip many coins to determine the traits of a potential offspring. What are the odds that I'd be partnered with Shannon Westerburg?! I still have my old worksheet after Shannon tossed it into the wastebasket. 

  It's quite amusing how she developed affections for me... Looking back on the day we first met..Heh.. I suppose I...have matured... In some aspects. She has matured as well. While her affections for me increased over time, mine were constant variables. I recall after our unity ceremony how Pam confronted me about my potential to be a father-unit. I told her that I was not programmed for the purpose. She said that Shannon would want to have children eventually and that I would be incapable of unfulfilling her desire-unless of course- I took in a human child as my own. I was grateful for her recommendation, only to later find out that the human adoption process is... straining, even for a superior machine like myself. I decided that if I was unfit to be a human parent, then I shall strive to be like Mom and Dad-Unit. I went to the factory and asked the employees for a transfer their data-inputs in order to prepare. What I found to be the most intriguing aspect of this project is that, I cannot further prepare myself than what I already have. I haven't even prepared Shannon. I decided that I should surprise her. Human infants are said to often be surprises. 

Final analysis: If tonight is a success, I shall wake Shannon and show her my magnum-opus.. If tonight is a failure, I shall recharge, and resume progress tomorrow..."

  Robot shifted his attention to the little robot lying in front of him. The only tasks left to complete were to assign a gender and a name. Robot had been recommended by Socks to incorporate Shannon's thoughts into the name, and he respected his suggestion. He shakily pulled a quarter from his chest compartment. He saved this particular quarter from the last time he, Mitch, Socks, and Cubey went to the arcade. Robot knew that his golden days of video games would soon be reduced to a mere hour or two between work, and the small robot lying before him. Robot softly recited to himself,"Heads for boy. Tails for girl." Robot held the coin for a minute before finally flipping it into the hair. He tried to resist examining the coin's motions, but could not take his eyes off of it. As the coin dropped-clink, clank, clink, clank-it proceeded to roll under his desk. "Aw man!", he cried as he frantically searched for the coin. The basement was dark, but fortunately his eyes could easily illuminate the room, as well as the coin lying beside his left claw. He examined it closely... 

  "Tails"... Robot dropped to his knees. He was shaking... He hoped that the coin would read "Heads." He hoped that he could reference Mom and Dad Units Data Logs-past experiences. His brain glowed a brilliant-flashing orange as he started to panic. "No-no!", he cried before silencing himself. "Shannon is still resting. I cannot let her discover it.. I mean". He directed his attention back to his desk, " I cannot let Shannon discover her. Robot made a final examination of the machine. Her face resembled his. She had a pair of lenses with the same capabilities as his. There were a few screws around her faceplate and a few additional bolts placed strategically in the middle and sides of the plate to resemble Shannon's freckles. Her brain was a lightbulb. Her sound receptors were made of Shannon's facial brace. The rest of her body resembled more of human skeleton. Robot was unable to recover some of his spare internal mechanisms from the factory, so he had to be resourceful. He was fortunate enough to receive the devices capable of comprehending and expression human emotion. The locket-heart and the Mood-Omotron. The very devices that distinguished him from every other machine produced from JNZ Robotics. Obtaining these particular devices was his main concern. After adding a wire skirt and a few more of Shannon's personality traits, he decided that this was the moment he had waited for. He pondered whether to wake Shannon or not. He eventually concluded that this test could result in a failure. "I shall simply restart her for Shannon to see in the morning, if she proves to be successful". Robot hooked the little robot into the charging port, waited for what seemed to be several hours. He finally woke her up. The robot tightened her eyes slightly before attempting to open them. Her vision adjusted to see Robot sitting in front of her. 

"Al-all s-systems... G-g-GO!"

"Hello little robot!" Robot said enthusiastically, "How do you feel?"

"I-I" the little Robot replied with uncertainty.. "I-I.. Don't."

Robot's vocal slot dropped. He was SO sure he had succeeded this time. He rose from his seat and made his way to the wall socket to unplug the charging station. He closed his eyes to brace himself.

"Unless-!", she cried.

Robot paused... Stunned at her decision to plea.

"Unless you program me with sensory receptors-and-and a Mood-Omotron similar to yours!".

  Robot turned to her. She still appeared uncertain, but also unafraid-more determined than anything else. "Of course", Robot responded, "How did I forget?!". He seemed slightly frustrated, yet  satisfied that his robot was intelligent, so much so that she was aware of what upgrades and parts she lacked! His soft smile gradually returned as he located the sensory receptors and Mood-Omotron. " I was so sure that I included-okay, you'll feel a slight tingling once these are installed".

"T-Thank you", she responded politely. That was a trait he obtained from a description Mr. and Mrs. Westerburg provided regarding younger Shannon. "What shall I refer to you as?". Robot smiled warmly. "You shall refer to me as Dad or Father-Unit." Robot placed the final sensory receptor on her left leg joint. "How do you feel now?"

"C-cold."

  Robot frustratedly sighed, "I forgot to install my internal thermostat", he opened his chest-plate to illustrate his blunder. "Hold on a second". He searched around the basement for some blanket or an article of clothing. "Come on.. come on..", he muttered to himself. After five minutes of searching, he noticed a worn-purple piece of fabric lying by the washer machine. It was Shannon's sweater from middle school. "Shannon's sweater.. How did..?" Robot dozed off for a minute before remembering his little robot. He rushed to her and placed the sweater over her metallic body. 

"Better?", he inquired.

"Affirmative", she smiled as she buried herself into the old fabric.

"Emotionally-how do you feel?"

"I'm-I'm scared, excited, and... happy, but all at once".

"Exactly how you should feel", Robot smiled.

"What shall I refer to myself as, Dad-Unit?".

Robot froze. He had forgotten about the name. Shannon was still sleeping. He was also supposed to locate Shannon's high school dairy and chose from the list of names just as Pam instructed in order to aid in the decision process. 

"I-uh-WILL ASSIGN YOU A NAME IN THE MORNING!"

"Morning..?"

Robot frantically shifted his eyes from wall to wall. He had no time to explain the concept of 'morning', to an automaton with no previous data entries! He panicked and unplugged the charging station.

"Dad-uniiiiiiii-?"

Robot was crushed that he had to shut her down, but it had to be done. He had succeeded. He would introduce her to Shannon in a couple of hours. 

...

I have sinned... I have MAJORLY sinned..

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE JUST DONE!

I CAN'T WRITE, LET ALONE READ. WHY-TELL ME-WHY DID I SPEND 4 HOURS WRITING THIS-THIS?!? Oh goodness... Well, I did it, it's done...

Whatever Happened to Robot Jones (c) Greg Miller